Category Archives: Humor
My Wife Treats Me Like A Kid!
Good Sunday Morning Joes and Janes;
My wife and I have been married almost 40 years and she still treats me like a kid. I don’t know why but I have gotten used to it. I guess something is working right. A few days ago she made me breakfast and the picture below is what appeared at the table……
Breakfast for Regular Joe
I really don’t think my hair looks like that but otherwise I guess it is a pretty close likeness. And remember that government study that came out a few weeks ago? Every piece of bacon you eat takes 9 minutes off of your life! Is this a subtle death threat? How did the scientists come up with the 9 minutes? Are they sure it is 9 and not 8 and 1/2 minutes? Now that the Obamacare law has been upheld will the government still allow us to eat bacon? Will older people be force to eat bacon so they die quicker and save the government money? So many questions remain unanswered this morning but I really love my wife’s humor!
In other news:
I wanted to share some early Independence Day ideas with you. I had some mortgage inspections to do in Kalispell, Montana on Friday. It gave me the opportunity to drive up through the Flathead Valley and also to look at what fireworks are available on the Indian Reservation. We may not be Texas, but we still do things in a big way. I was able to get a couple of bottle rockets to celebrate the 4th!
Montana bottle rockets for the 4th of July Celebration.
I am going to try to get a couple more if I can get these unloaded, (I had to buy a truck to haul them but always wanted a duce and a half anyway. I know my uncle in Portland will be jealous. The Oregon laws don’t allow much in the way of fireworks;
Oregon law forbids possession, use or sale of fireworks that fly, explode or travel more than six feet on the ground or 12 inches in the air. Bottle rockets, Roman candles, and firecrackers are ILLEGAL in Oregon.
Of course everything west of the Cascades has turned into a Socialist state already. I guess the government on local, state and federal levels tries to treat us like kids too. But enough politics on a Sunday Morning! I will let you get back to the comics page and get ready for church.
Regular Joe
Zombies, Healthcare and Other Crazy News This Week
Good Saturday Morning!
Well, the coroner’s report is in this week on the man, individual, errr…zombie who ate the face off of another man in Florida at the end of last month. The only drug in his system was …….marijuana. If you will recall my post from May 27; Zombie Attack in Florida, much speculation was made concerning the probability that the person was on “bath salts”, a drug which causes the body temperature to spike and psychotic behaviors. Now that we know it was not bath salts we are left with several pressing questions;
- Will marijuana cause this behavior?
- Is this individual really a zombie after all?
- Where is this zombie now?
- How many more zombies has he created?
- Why is his victim still in the hospital after all this time?
- Is his victim being treated for injuries or being quarantined to try to stop the spread of the zombie virus?
And probably the most pressing question today;
- How is the government able to hide this vast conspiracy against the American people?
I am sure there are logical explanations for all of the above questions; But in the crazy-world-turned-upside-down that we live in this week, why look for logical answers? It is Saturday, I need a short break in all the news before I head out the door to work and I thought I would add my thoughts to some of these stories. Read the rest of this entry
Government Wastes Money on Signs?
I thought you may want to see this short video on government sign waste. Perhaps it will give you a laugh or thoughts on better preparing your defenses.
Regular Joe
Zombie Attack in Florida
Zombies Invade San Francisco! (Photo credit: Scott Beale)
My post Zombie Apocalypse continues to be one of the top three all time viewed posts on my site. Not wanting to argue with success and finding the following news story on The Blaze yesterday I could not resist revisiting the Zombie topic in an unabashed use of real news twisted into another send up to Zombies and including gratuitous violence.
Miami Police Shoot and kill Naked Man ‘Eating’ Face of Another Man
- Posted on May 27, 2012 at 12:17pm by
Madeleine Morgenstern
Miami police shot and killed a naked man on Saturday whom witnesses said was eating the face of another man, the Miami Herald reported:
According to police sources, a road ranger saw a naked man chewing on another man’s face and shouted on his loud speaker for him to back away. Meanwhile, a woman also saw the incident and flagged down a police officer who was in the area.
The officer, who has not been identified, approached and, seeing what was happening, also ordered the naked man to back away. When he continued the assault, the officer shot him, police sources said. The attacker failed to stop after being shot, forcing the officer to continue firing. Witnesses said they heard at least a half dozen shots.
Read the rest of the story here
In the vein of thought that the moon landing was ‘faked’; what makes us think that the news media and police really want us to know what really happened? Sure, blame it on cocaine! The Herald printed that investigators believed it might be; “cocaine psychosis” — a “drug-induced craze that bakes the body internally and often leads the affected to strip naked and try to cool off.” Yah, right, I’ve seen the Zombie movies! You and I know what is really going on here.
In Madeleine Morgenstern‘s story she quotes; Larry Vega said he witnessed the attack, writing to Local 10, “I stopped a City of Miami police officer and informed him that a homeless man was killing another person by biting and ripping his face to death.”
Vega also said, “The police officer confronted the aggressor, and he was like a rabid dog and confronted the officer. Then the officer shot the person four times.”
Note to police; every Zombie hunter knows only a brain destroying head shot will stop a Zombie. Maybe Homeland Security needs to start Zombie Terrorist training program!
Then according to the reports they take the victim, in critical condition, to the hospital for treatment. Probably no isolation ward, no guards so when he wakes up he starts eating others! If you are in a Miami hospital ….. RUN!
Catching up on the New Zombie Nation rag
On a somewhat related thought; I was at the store the other day and my wife was looking at clothes. No… I was in the magazine section! I ran across a new magazine in the rack….had to buy it….Zombie Nation premiere issue. You should be able to find it at the news stand in the gun section. My wife says I’ve had my head buried in it since I got it. Ignore the picture she took.
If you are into Zombies definitely spend the $8.99 (U.S and Canada) There are some good articles on firearms and accessories and I had no idea so many serious manufacturers were jumping on the Zombie train with specialized products. I had no idea EOTECH had a new site out with a bio-hazard reticle. Several of the articles are definitely translatable to home defence and then there are some tongue in cheek pages on Zombie attacks.
Given the problems in Miami it should be required reading for the Miami Police Department!
The centerfold is a tear out Zombie Nation Target Poster that I thought would look really great on the office wall….my lovely wife had a different opinion, but then I don’t think she believes in Zombies either. I am thinking about putting it in the garage so I can scare the daylights out of myself if I go out there in the middle of the night.
Watch your back!
Regular Joe
Related articles
- Zombie Apocalypse (5gsandacupofjoe.net)
- Zombies in Miami? Naked Man Killed by Police After “Eating the Face Off” His Victim (dreadcentral.com)
- Humans Are Eating Humans (afteramerica.wordpress.com)
